Have you ever pause and reflect on this question, "What's the spiritual condition of your heart today?" that's a question John Wesley would probably ask his fellow 'band' members (A small discipleship group) whenever they gather. And that's a question that hit me during worship in our recent wednesday cluster vesper…
Being in a seminary, the 'spiritual' can become so familiar to us until we get blinded by our daily outward exposure of the 'spiritual'. Studying about God almost everyday and minute, doing daily devotion, going for morning prayers & chapels on monday, wednesday,fridays, attending tuesday evening chapels, attending class groups, wednesday cluster vesper, and all this are apparently part of this BIG word 'Spiritual Formation'… but deep down in your heart… you know yourself if you are actually still having that deep intimate relationship with the Lord?
After 8 months, 'reality' have come right into my face… besides falling sick the past week, a church history test & OT quiz to study for, the usual papers to write, daily readings to read and the sudden increase of school responsibilities, …it really hit me… that I'm HUMAN? … this whole 'messiah complex' is so dangerous! We can try so hard to do the best we can in our studies and service to the school, but are we doing it out of your own strength?
It took a series of events for God to speak to me! And it started this morning when a fellow family group member suddenly asked me how I was? And… then later remarked … "Are you feeling stress?"… and that stumbled me for awhile, as I always try to give a positive expression... that wells i'm ok?… but I know that deep down in my heart, MAYBE… i'm not?
If you thought this is going to be some emo post! Well… not really… I'm back to being the same old Ben again! God taught me a deep lesson on what Spiritual Formation really is!
God had to set a divine appointment for me to have random late night dinner with a good friend just in my next door hostel cluster lounge just a couple hours ago, and that conversation made me realise that … I've been keeping all this thoughts in me… such as waking up last Friday morning feeling really sick and 'sian'.. and I realised I actually had to drag my feet to a morning prayer meeting just because I felt a responsibility to be there to lead it… that's when I knew i've lost the heart of why we even started meeting in the first place? It's not out of obligation… It's simply coming to the presence of God as a community to pray together!… outwardly i've subconsciously tried to step up and fit in my new role as the new Spiritual formation chairperson but I realised that I've lost the heart reason why I even agreed to take it up in the first place? I suddenly became so task oriented just preparing the agenda of our next Spiritual Formation meeting and thinking of the influx of stuff to get done! But I was so blinded!!! It took a really random dinner chat that led me to become so vulnerable before my friend and to allow God to speak to me through him! I'm really so thankful for spiritual friends who just so happen to stumble across your path when God knows you need it.
If you asked me now what Spiritual Formation really is, I can actually say with a loud resounding conviction… "It's really is about the attitude of the heart and not exactly what we do 'externally'!"
Knowing it intellectually in our mind is one thing, but having a fresh experience of such peace and joy of His love shredding upon your heart is another… although I want to disclaimer first that it was not some very dramatic 'experiential' encounter of God… but it took a simple spiritual conversation with a friend that allowed me to have such a clear realisation of God speaking to me of this spiritual life lesson that I hope encourage you reading this today.
I pray that whoever reading this too, can have this same encounter of our living God, that even in the mundane of our daily Journey of Faith that this be my prayer for you from Romans 15:3..."May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"
So maybe let me ask this question to you reading this… "What's the spiritual condition of your heart today?"
