I will remember this date 17/1/09...
this 2 days 16-17 Jan 2009 @ PraiseHaven, was where i attended this retreat "Fellowship of the Burning Hearts (FBH) under campus crusade where a selected few graduating students who have some desires or question abt full time come together from Poly and University to seek God's calling... And wow.... Looking back at the sequence of events that happen yesterday...and especially looking back at the totality of my life ever since my life changing experience in end year 2005.... I'm seriously in AWE of GOD...pleaseee do read on and see the assurances after assurances...and revelations! And God's hand in every scene...
Day 1- Friday
Awesomeee time spend with my first 2 crusade disciples, Donovan and jem (they were the original 2 disciples that i had first when they were in yr 1...before John and Nick came in later)... Anyways we gym together and later had a short time of sharing and DG, and it was really nostalgic reliving back the FIRST time we actually gathered together out of all places in the middle of the sea in SENTOSA... Click here for an old entry in Sep 2007... and well very soon i need to pass my DGL role on after I graduate...
Anyways after DG with them.. rush from TP all the way to the west at upper bukit timah taking abt 2 hrs in total to reach Praise haven. And one thing that really made my day was this random Indian guy that just suddenly offered to guide me in this crowded bus 170 when i was looking out the window to where i was, and i didn't even like mention i was lost..But he kindly just OFFERED to help and ASK if i needed guidance on where to stop and he actually told me like when to press the bell and alight! =)
At arrival, I initially felt abit out of place as realised that everyone was way older! Well mainly bcoz they were all graduating Uni students and i was the only one from poly at that point of time, there, but phew good thing Estella and Maggie from RP came later. So in the end was me 1 TP guy,2 Rp girls and The resttt a big grp of NUS and NTU students. And wow im sooo sooo soooo glad i actually came! The first night session was by one of the crusade staff,Desmond sharing on a Renewed Perspective of God... And wow, God really spoke to me part by part through his message and i began to realize that i cld actually relate to him in certain circumstances ... and somehow i got many new insights from this session...
(Above is an extract of the message outline... The thing that strike me when he said sometimes we actually KNOW IT... but are we SAYING IT?... another thing that God reminded me is, GOD is FAITHFUL, Seek Him and YOU WILL FIND HIM, TAKE GOD AT HIS WORD!... and its all said in this retreat theme verse...)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
After this night session we had some really nice sharing over supper at Rail mall, with our staff,Irene ,Estella,maggie and me. And through the discussion, it actually made me realize more and more of God's leading for me when Irene ask a question like this... lets say i have no restrictions,no boundaries,and i just have a desire of where I wld want to go, where wld that be?...and woah...that deep inner desire in my heart was RIGHT there... but i just cldnt say it!... it was hard! I KNOW it..but i just cant say it!...
Anyways after that we went back to our dorms,and my mind was just pondering and thinking non stop, in the bathroom, back at the rooms and thru out the night! (anyway sidetracking a bit...i want to say a huge thanks to those NUS students in the dorm i got to know there, they were really friendly to me as i was the only TP student and youngest in their midst).......anyways back again...at the dorm... i was reading some articles in the file they gave...
(This is part of it...Do read this..click to enlarge...)
(this verse just shook my heart!)
(And this was the last sentence of the article...) In the end... i went to sleep praying for God to reveal to me more..maybe in a dream..hee!...
The DREAM..
And WOW...GOD MEANT IT! I dunno if i was thinking of it so much,that somehow...i actually rmb something that i dreamt! or kind off visualized in my sleep? It was strangee.....bcoz i was in my very same bed in that dorm... i looked directly infront to see this rectangular sign at the edge of the bed frame opposite me...and very vaguely trying to see wad the words on it says... i can't rmb exactly what it was, but i know its along the lines of.."SAY YES" or "JUST TAKE IT", "DO IT"..."SAY IT".... soon..i woke up......
Day 2 - Saturday
I took a quick bath..and went to the playground near our dorm..
( I sat on the steps, and prayed.... open my devotional, and bible...and read it...)
And WOW... GOD SHOOK MY heart as i read on and on... my devotion was talking abt looking back at the past at what God did for me...
The first verse that spoke...
"In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, 2but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. Heb 1:1-2"
And than i read on from Hebrews 3:1-11..and wow.. on verse 7-8 it says...
"So, as the Holy Spirit says: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts....."
I just needed to let God speak, and for me to listen.... And next the reminder again from his word...to look back (exactly what irene share the night before abt looking back old journal entries to see how God has revealed things to me in the past) ...
And the WORD OF GOD just SPOKE AGAIN...this verse shook me...
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4 "
And than i sat still..just listening to that still small voice... and a sense of deja vu came... like when i was at the Dreams & Destiny room came (at Worldwide day of prayer at the Crusade HQ last year)...and the thoughts from God filled my mind...The words in yellow ,I believed is God's still small voice to me... I decided to write them all down in my jounrnal as it came...
"He told me to think back all the way to the time of the CROSS...when he died for ALL my sins, forgave me and REDEEMED me!" And he reminded me again.. "GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL to me... and the question came.."Is it God desire for me to go full time ministry"...and my answer to the Lord....was a clear.... YES... Next.. "Ben..Focus on me(Jesus)..You can Trust Me..."Where ever it is"..."I'm always faithful to you. RMB THAT.. I will provide for your needs"...And again..He said remember GOD IS FAITHFUL ALWAYS...and just be OBEDIENT to the call..."
From here on i was still in struggling in question with the Lord... ok full time..but WHERE?... to my church, particularly in Wesley Youth Ministry? Or Campus Crusade?... anyways after awhile i decided to wait again for further direction in the near future..anyways i still got 2 years of NS to decide....
The next session was by Sharon the wife of the current national director of Crusade, as she shared her journey with the Lord from the scriptures of Numbers ch 13 to 14... One thing that assured me deeply was...when she shared the EXACT SAME VERSE that gave her the desire to go full time! And it was that same verse that was the direction for my life in last year october...it was the verse... "Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD;trust in him and he will do this. Psalm 37:3-5"
God has place that desire in my heart to serve in WHOLLY AND FULLY in a Full time christian vocation when i won't be restricted by my bosses, clients,colleagues or the Job requirement in the secular world, especially in the design line... and wow...God has revealed enough light to open that first step...and all i needed was to take that small step of faith into that small light..and SAY A CLEAR YES!... "HERE I AM...SEND ME..."
And wows... I still rmb my first initial thoughts of seeking in year 1... abt my calling in life... i wld never have imagine like it today! SERIOUSLY! ... i kept putting the thoughtsof full time ministry aside, only till end of yr 2...when i open the option...and year 3...where God revea led more and more and more!
Immediately when i got home i shared this to my parents first... and my mom shared with me of my old devotional book that spoke to my sister TODAY...and it was the same thing that strike me year ago too! Bcoz i was actually thinking of looking back all my past devotional entries,and journal writings... and i remember this i blog once.... EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO.... EXACTLY 365 days... It was the FIRST CALL...
LOOKING BACK.... (piecing together that providential call)....
Click here for full Flash back EXACTLY 1 year ago on 17 Jan 2008 (my first call)
An extract of that post..."Today QT... just an extract from my devotion... "EVERYDAY WITH JESUS" by Selwyn Hughues.....
Before i started today QT... I told God to continue to reveal to me his purpose and calling for me, and basically to really speak to my heart... and well today passage was base on "Judges 5:1-18...to be honest i didnt totally understand the passage at first..and i prayed for God to help me interpret it...and i read it again.. and the second time i read ..something actually hit me.. my name BENJAMIN appeared in there...(its on 5:14)....well pretty funny when i thought abt it..heh...but thats not the main message actually... anyways an extract from my devotion says...
Some will find the year ahead to be one of the most exciting of their lives, and will be determined to respond to all the challenges God gives them. Others of us, I am afraid, will be like Asher who "sat still by the seaboard,clinging to his Creeks" (V.17)
Well the former immediately does relates to what im feeling now! INDEED 2008 seem very exiting and I'm determined to response to God challenges! Anyway basically this whole passage is questioning us if we are "CREEK-Minded Christian like Asher in (V.17) or an OCEAN-minded Christian where you are ready to accept all the plans God has for you who is willing to lose the little in order to reach out the BIG. Well the latter really spoke to me.... Am im really READY for the BIG THING GOD has for me? I can confidently say now... YESSSSSSSSSS!But right now im just waiting for that continual assurance of what really my TRUE Calling really is! And when im that sure! I will go for it!... izzit to be used by God in the market place? or Being Full time?That would be something i will continue to Trust the Lord as i live each day for HIM....
And You know what... That desire and assurance i wanted from GOD CAME!!!! And some of you all remember this ... my first clearest call of direction... Click here for (Dreaming With God) The second call(the direction that came)...
But if you think this was all...I looked back even further...and remember possibly my first first ever call.... that i wrote down on my blog...and it was on DAY 1 of YM camp 2007, I still rmb so vivdly the series of events... this was my exact writing of my post 2 years ago "at the start he(Pastor Alvin) ask everyone to quieten their hearts and hear what God want to tell us abt out destiny... And the thought of "to minister to others" kept appearing in my mind. I dunno why but.. i believed it was from God. ".. after this was also followed by the AUDIBLE VOICE i heard of "HEY BEN" at the end of his sermon in that quietness...hee...
Click here for YM camp 2007(Read day 1 entry)..The first real call...when followed by when i heard that AUDIBLE VOICE...
Anyways i'm just sooooooo sooo excited for what's install for me to come! I feel this great sense of relived now saying it confidently! But now... i know my main purpose is to still continue in my walk with the Lord! And yea i must still have that SPIRIT OF EXCELLENCE in my FYP! =)
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