Campus Crusade or Church!!!(This cld be my deepest thought entry ever!)
This past few days, i have been really deep in thought.I think i have never thought this much in my entire life!First of all,i don't want to seem complaining,bcoz i'm supposedly an optimistic person,but this few days it has been a little tough and quite discourage abt my grp future too and if the commitment is there. I'm at the point where i really in desperate need of God's guidance and wisdom on what i sld do. I think i've really been using alot of my own human strength,and over thinking, Although God actually spoke to me from the bible like i shared in my previous entries.So this is something i still need to let God take control,and not lean so much on my own understanding.Only last sunday i had a really long conversation with my ysg leader, Eng Lee abt advice on how i'm gonna lead my small grp in the future. And just yesterday had another very long deep sharing with my crusade staff,irene and the other seniors in crusade abt me taking up a higher role in crusade in the Servant team. Although i wld love to commit to it at the same time i'm already in so many ministries in my own church. And been going thru a lot of thinking and planning after my grp splited.I feel this huge burden and responsibilty in directing my grp future now.I really dun want my grp to fall apart after the split,infact i want it to grow and blossom from here and for it to be the ideal small grp where we can depend on each other and grow spiritually together. Been doing a lot of thinking of how the next stage of my grp future wld be like,and like me stepping up now,and at the same time my own church is going to start another grp just for peer leaders, to equip us and at the same time feed us with the word. And this is gonna be quite an intensive training for us, and this is something i feel the need to commit. And it cld mean Church on friday,saturday,sunday a weekday nite for small grp, crusade live meeting on wednesday,my current Dg on another weekday,and the new freshies i going to take in crusade,which will take up another weekday. So practically ALMOST EVERDAY i will be busy with church or crusade.NOT even counting the ST Meetings if i take up the role. So i have all this thoughts in my head now.I'm really in a dilemma as i know in tp crusade it really lacks the desired man power,and i'm ideal to fill in the gap. But at the same time,i wont one to see myself burning out from all this ministries.I'm kinda lost right now. And i have to make a decision soon to my crusade staff. But currently i don't have a clear answer. Like i said before i prioritise my own church before crusade.And i shared with them that i have a clearer vision for my own church.I really wanna see YM REVIVAL and thats the deepest passion and desire in my heart, but at the same time theres crusade vision too.And its hard to feel for both vision. Although i'm quite passionate abt crusade too! SO HOW???Should i take both?Sld i concentrate just on my current ministries in ym?Sld i concentrate more on crusade?I'm lost in all this unanswered questions???And to be honest, i'm actually quite discourage to see how dead wesley ym is right now,the fire is almost totally gone!And i really don't want it to affect me. I still want to be that CHANGEMAKER of YM!But its tougher right now, with so few ymers catching this vision. I kinda lost one of my closest changemaker buddy right now,and thats another story which is even more saddening. So theres all this questions in me now?I know i can grow more in crusade! BUT i feel more comfortable in wesley ym! Sighhhhh...The next few days,really need to pray and really need time to do a lot of reflections......after writing all this I feel so emo! Eeekssss! NO WAY!!!! I still hoping to be that SMILEY OPTIMISTIC BANANA!!!! =D
Anyway really wanna thank eveyone thats been giving me all those advices,and the ppl thats been supporting me =)
Hey really appreciate all your prayers and listening to my thoughts and eventhough sometimes the topics just makes no sense it was still quite funny la!quite a nice way to end the nite!really appreciate your support!thanksss! i still wonder how u multitask you hungrypokingthingy!=P
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